Overcoming Barriers to Orgasm: Ask Ang 11/14

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Do you have tips on overcoming mental barriers to orgasm? I have never experienced an orgasm and have experimented greatly lol. Every time I feel I am close I stop/tell my partner to stop.

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First of all, facing mental and/or physical barriers to orgasm is extremely common. You’re not alone in your challenges, and there are many steps you can take to work toward reaching the goal of that first big O!

To start, it’s important to look at what kind of barriers you might be facing. Some of these could include body image and self-esteem issues, sex-negative feelings and beliefs, mental health illnesses, stress, and performance anxiety. If you can understand what barriers you’re facing, it may be easier to approach them and work to break them down.

If you think that self-esteem issues might be stopping you from reaching orgasm, the best way might just be to make some noise. Being loud could cause you focus more on the noise you’re making than the way your body looks, and hopefully make it possible for you to orgasm with your partner. Of course, living with roommates, in apartment buildings, or dorms might make it difficult to be loud.

Tackling sex-negative beliefs can be difficult simply because they tend to develop at a young age. But with work, it can be done! A good way to do this is to allow pleasure to inhibit guilt and not the other way around. To do this, you can work your way up to a point where you feel aroused but not guilty, so that you’re adjusting to experiencing pleasure without guilt. Hopefully, this could condition you to associate pleasure with contentment rather than shame.

If you think mental health could be the reason that you haven’t experienced an orgasm yet, the best way to work on overcoming that is to talk to your physician or therapist. If you haven’t been diagnosed with a mental health concern or illness yet, but believe that your mental barriers could be a result of one, CAPS is an on-campus resource that could help you understand your mental health.

Just like any other student on campus, you’re probably used to being stressed about school, work, or relationships. That can make it hard to focus during class, but we don’t think as much about how it impacts us during sex. If you’re stressed when you’re with a partner, it’ll be hard to pay attention to what you are doing, and it might distract you enough to make the act tedious. To overcome this, you’re going to need to reduce your stress. This can definitely be a big ask, but exercise, spending time with friends, and journaling are all good ways to do it. Coloring is also a great way to reduce stress (and it’s my personal favorite).

Lastly, performance anxiety is a well-known barrier to orgasm. It can be caused by many things, but is a common effect of poor body image, a lack of proper sex ed, and miscommunication. Embracing your body is important, and if you’re having trouble doing so, try out this exercise: stand in front of a mirror and write down everything that you like – repeat this until you start to feel more comfortable with yourself. In addition, knowing what you need to be comfortable and satisfied is crucial in any sexual act if you’re interested in reaching orgasm, so take time to understand your body and what you need. The internet is a great resource if you’re looking to clarify something. Finally, communicating with your partner is key – be open about your concerns with them. This will help foster a relationship based on trust, and hopefully help you reach your goal.